I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Welp...herpes.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
