he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
