So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
