how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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