before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
