my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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