farters have to be the big spoon...
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
