I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
