Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I got inside last night via doggy door
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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