I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
it glows. i had to have it.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
