where are you?
Hypothermia
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
