does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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