HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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