Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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