You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
