it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
