Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
