The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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