Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
