EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
