Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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