So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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