So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
