It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
