She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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