i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
