Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
