my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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