I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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