apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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