just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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