shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
