just come out here and I will go home with you...
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
