Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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