Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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