so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
