he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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