My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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