I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
