Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
