at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
