found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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