i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
