I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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