it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
