I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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