Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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