i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
