you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
