I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
