Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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