Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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