who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i just had sex bonerless
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
