sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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