I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
it's great music for shaving your balls
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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